This is how we imagine a convo between Montero and helpful teammate Cody Ross went down:
Montero: "You see, Cody, a lot of guys pick their bats based on on the length or the weight. How the bat feels in their hands."
Montero: "I like to be a little more intimate with my bat. I like my other senses to be one with the bat. I like to know what my bat smells like. I like to taste my bat."
Weird? Sure. Sanitary? Not in the slightest. But in defense of Montero — a guy who is hitting .222 right now — having a close relationship with his bat is what helped Pedro Cerrano turn things around.
Someone please tell us if Montero next decides to sacrifice a chicken.